I met my running group at the track tonight and had a realization. To be honest, I can’t really call it a realization. I already knew it before, but tonight just smacked me between the eyes. Reality, I guess. A friend of mine has always said, “it is what it is.” So true…
With my planar fasciitis, I’m on low miles right now so I finished my 300 meter work and hung out where everyone else was finishing their 300′s. Over and over again, I saw people cross the “finish line.” These people in my running group are no wimps, especially the “fast people.” They crossed the line with red, sweaty faces and a look of pure exertion on their faces. Their legs were stretching out and their arms were pumping. Every part of their bodies were focused on launching forward with each step.
As I’m watching people, the same people, finish their 300 meter sprints over and over again, I am struck with the reality that my face, my body, doesn’t look like that when I finish my sprints – Ever! Sprint, really? Unfortunately, I don’t think I can claim that. Sure, I run, but do I give everything I’ve got? No. Do I leave nothing left? No. Do I find myself beyond my comfort zone and still push myself just a little bit more? No. Do I run to better my best? No, not for quite a while now.
I think my injuries have really screwed with my running. Now, I don’t want to blame my lack of labor on my injuries. I know they have definitely impeded my progress. However, there comes a point when it’s not the injury holding me back. It’s just me. I got so used to babying myself to protect the injury that I basically stopped pushing myself. My heel hurts like hell after 4 miles, but not after 2. I could run a good, hard 2 miles, but I don’t. I’m like a Sunday driver.
Now that I have those red, puffy, sweaty faces in my mind, it would be a lot harder for me to go back to my leisurely ways and forget that I’m being an absolute p#$$y. This is my opportunity to really get to work and try harder than I have in a long time. I know I can improve, but it takes hard work. (Hmm…and I’ve wondered why I haven’t improved as much as some others have. Seriously?!?) So this is my revival. I’m a born again runner. I’m making a commitment to myself that I will give it all I’ve got, each and every time, even if it is just a couple of miles at a time.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Sorry to read about your injury problems. I can totally relate (mine has always been IT band; now more of a hip issue). As for all-out efforts, be careful with those, injury or not. I honestly believe that a large percentage of running should be at a comfortable pace (nothing to be ashamed of there), with just a little hard running. I used to push the pace in most of my training runs. I cringe when I read my running logs from many years ago and I’d write PR next to a stinking training run! Then I’d write how fatigued and sore (and/or injured) I was, day after day. I still fight that tendency. Sorry to ramble, but don’t feel bad about your slow, easy runs. Maybe just add a little speed here and there and you’ll start improving. And glad to find another Seattle-area runner’s blog! Take care.
Your previous commenter Colin made some really thoughtful points. ^^
Absolutely, it’s courageous and amazing on what you’re doing now, after the injury. I know the feeling of wanting to get there, to feel like you’ve given your best and cross that finish line. I’m sure that day will come eventually. The friend we called ‘success’ always seemed kind late in its visits, instead we’re greeted frequently by another buddy, ‘patience’. ^^
Best wishes. *hugs*
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